


Shot through the heart, and you're to blame

by Mothfluff



Category: Critical Role (Web Series), Perc'ahlia - Fandom
Genre: F/M, It all ends well though, Percy has a panic attack, and nightmares, cause why not - it's Percy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-27
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2019-02-07 16:30:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12845073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mothfluff/pseuds/Mothfluff
Summary: Percy had the worst Battle Royale at Level 17 that anyone could have had. Thank god it wasn't canon!Except in his nightmares. And when he wakes up from the dream of being killed by the love of his life, it's up to that love to get him back to reality from his panic attack. Luckily Vex is right there to the rescue.





	Shot through the heart, and you're to blame

**Author's Note:**

> This makes more sense if you've seen the Battle Royal at Level 17 (between episode 98 and 99 of the show) but even if you haven't, I'd say you get the gist of it.  
> And I KNOW that Grog ultimately got the killing blow on Percy, technically. But Vex was the last thing he saw before he fell unconscious, so I'm counting that.

He was standing on the side of a tower, thankful for a second for his spider boots – the only gear that hadn't betrayed him yet. There wasn't much else to be thankful for at the moment - here he was, standing on a tower, and his friends, his family, were trying to kill him.

 

His mind was racing, his heart beating so fast he could feel it in his throat. Every part of his body hurt after the multiple hits of Grog's hammer, his glasses were so splintered he could barely see a few feet in front of him.

What he did saw was Vex.

Vex, on her broom, hovering just out of range.

Vex, pulling up her bow.

Vex, whispering something into her earring he couldn't make out through all the blood in his ear.

_Vex, shooting an arrow at him._

 

He managed to grab the first one, barely, still feeling it burst into his shoulder and the vines hopelessly trying to grapple him. He didn't see the second, only feeling the stinging pain before everything turned dark and the only sensation was that of air rushing past him as he dropped to the ground.

 

As his lifeless body crashed into the earth, Percy shuddered awake. Above him, even without glasses, he could see the twinkling of stars set in the pitch black sky. Beneath him and the thin fabric of the makeshift bed was the feeling of soft grass. Not waking up in his bed at home, after almost a year's habit, felt disorienting enough. Waking up without Vex's warmth beside him, in this situation, was even worse. His senses were already starting to panic before a quiet voice made its way to his ear.

„I'm here, darling. It's ok. I'm on watch now.“ And there she was, sitting on a treetrunk beside the bedroll he was tucked in, a bit away from the rest of their group, watching him with eyes as soft as her voice had just been.

 

Percy waking up in pain or fear from a nightmare was nothing new to Vex, not after spending the year with him in Whitestone. She'd spend many nights comforting him back to sleep, or keeping him awake with idle chat if sleep was too daunting a task to face at the moment.

Almost instinctively, she reached out to caress his face. Just as instinctively, he flinched back. Vex's hand hung in the empty air for a second. He'd never pulled away from her before, even during his worst dreams.

„Percy, darling, it's me. Vex.“

„Don't shoot.“ His voice was deep, hoarse, _brittle_.

„I.. I'm not. I'm not doing anything, dear.“ She slid down from the treetrunk, onto her knees, trying to learn forward and closer to him, but he immediately shuffled away and sat up.

Her view moved from his eyes – wide, yet empty, twitching, staring into nowhere despite looking right at her – down to his chest, heaving with heavy breath as if he'd just run for his life, even further down to his hand, clenched around Animus.

„There's no danger, Percy.“ She tried to make her voice as calming as possible. „No need for the gun.“

 

It was obvious her words fell on barren ground. This was more than just a simple nightmare he woke up from with shock. Percy seemed awake, physically, and intensely alert – but his mind was completely elsewhere.

She leaned further forward, shifting her weight slightly on to her hands.

„Percy. Darling.“ chanted almost like a mantra, the words repeating while getting closer inch by inch, as calm as possible. She tried not to look at the gun in his hand, tried not to think about how relieved she'd been when he finally stopped putting it onto his bedside table in their home, and how much it pulled at the edges of her mind that he'd brought it back to their shared rest now that they were travelling in the wild again. All she allowed her mind to focus on was him in front of her, eyes still wide from shock, his whole body trembling from panic, while the world around him laid quiet and peaceful.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, but in reality was no more than a few seconds, she reached him.

„Percy. Darling.“ Her fingertips softly touched his cheek, and when he didn't flee from it this time, they just as softly moved down the side of his face, behind his ear, until her hand carefully but firmly grasped the side of his neck.

His skin was clammy and ice-cold, his breath still racing. Only when she pushed herself forward one final bit to embrace him did a deep exhale leave his body, his face now pressed into the crook of her collar. She gladly noticed his hand moving away from Animus to grab onto the back of her tunic and holding onto it as for dear life.

They sat like this for another eternity, Percy's breath and heartbeat slowly coming to a normal rhythm, his face still hidden from her. She could feel the dampness from his eyes through the fabric on her skin.

 

„You shot me.“ His voice was still deep, muffled even more against her shoulder, and as trembling as she'd ever heard.

„In your dream..? Oh, my heart...“ Vex's hand automatically began to stroke the back of his neck, the soft white hair, the slowly warming skin.

„You killed me.“ His hand on her back unclenched from the fabric, drifting down to loosely lay against her hip. „Grog attacked me, thrice, and you shot me when I fled.“

Vex found no words for a minute. The dreams he'd told her about before were of Ripley, of the Briarwoods, of his imprisonment, of dragons, and demons and smoke. Of her body, unconscious and unbreathing in front of him.

_When had she become a danger in his mind?_

„It was a dream, love.“ Her face now buried in his hair, breathing in the familiar scent. „You're awake, and I'm here. I'm not hurting you.“

 

„My guns failed.“

His mind, seconds ago only running on instincts, was wide awake now. He tried to let the dream float away, as they usually did, but every picture seemed burned into his memory in clearest colour.

„My guns failed. My glove, even...“ His hand flexed, as if he was still wearing it. „Nothing worked, and Grog... and you... and... I had nothing.“

His head was still leaning against Vex's collar, trying to focus on the usually so calming warmth of her skin, unable to shift away from the image of her with her bow raised against him.

„I was useless and you killed me.“ He could hear Vex's sharp inhale.

„In the dream, darling. Only in a dream would I ever hurt you.“

„I was useless in the real world as well, though.“ He finally sat up, pulling away from her shoulder, away from her arms that still lingered around his shoulders and kept him from completely pushing himself away.

„Percy, don't. You know that's not true.“

„But it is. Without my guns – or, against anyone, anything that doesn't care for bullets – I'm simply...“ He stared at Animus, still lying beside him. „That goddamn celestial monster yesterday, I mean, all I did was watch as you all-“

Vex just looked at him while he stammered, and he tried very hard not to read pity into her eyes. „I hate being helpless.“

„I'd say everyone does.“ She began stroking his neck again. „Except you're not. Neither useless nor helpless. And even if, if all your guns backfire and there's nothing _you_ can do, we've all still got your back. You know that.“

 

All he could respond with was a short hum. Vex knew how exceedingly hard it was to get through to him when a certain thought had settled into his head. She watched him as he shifted over, completely away from her touch now, and picked up Animus. Turning it left and right, fidgeting with some bits of it, holding it down towards himself – the only thing he hadn't done yet was to look down the barrel itself.

„I'd prefer if you didn't do that. It doesn't _always_ misfire, and I know fully well that it's loaded when we go to bed.“ Her voice was more snippy than she'd intended to, but he barely listened anyway.

„When we get back to Whitestone, I have to make some adjustments.“ He murmured more to himself than to her. „Tweak some things.“ He was still checking on the gun, and Vex was aware that he was just trying to keep his mind busy and away from his nightmare as best as he could, by finding something to work on any which way. His bad habits were easy to see through, once you understood.

Not that she would ever be against Percy making his guns safer to use. For all of his tinkering with them to improve them, this was still one part she despised – the many times she watched him twitch with pain while the dark powdered smoke erupted in his hand instead of into their enemy. The faded, lightning-shaped, purple-tinted scars that traced across his hand and up his arm that she knew came from Animus' enchantment working against him. The faint shimmer of purple in his bloodshot right eye whenever it misfired so badly he had a headache for days – something she'd learned of far too late, that he'd kept well-hidden even from her healing hands.

 

„You can do anything you want with your weapons once we get back home, yes.“ Her hand rested on his now, on top of the gun. „But I think right now it'd be better to sleep.“

Percy looked into her eyes, and it surprised her yet again how honest and almost scared he could look when it was just the two of them. „I don't think I can sleep right now.“

„Then sit with me.“ She patted the tree trunk while returning to her watch-seat. He followed suit, sitting down close enough that she could feel the heat of his body next to her in the cold night, but not close enough to touch. Vex was far more used to him huddling as close to her as possible, but she wouldn't think of pushing him.

A few moments of silence passed as they both watched the small fire that anyone on watch kept going during the night. When he spoke up again, Percy's voice sounded much more matter-of-fact.

„I sort of want to ask you to promise not to kill me if it ever comes to pass, but I honestly can't.“

„Gods, Percy.“ She stifled a shocked laugh. „Do you really believe I could harm you in any way, no matter what? Do you really think I would?“

„You should. I'm not, I mean, I'm not saying I want you to, but if anything ever happened – we've seen so much go wrong – if I ever turned into a threat -“ He stopped, and Vex almost saw the black smoke swirling in his light blue eyes. She knew all too well what he was thinking.

„ _If_ you ever turn into a threat, I'll make damn sure you're contained as quickly as possible, without causing you any harm. I do know how to use Manners, dear.“ She nudged his side, and almost, barely got him to smile.

 

„I always thought it'd be easiest to just – done and out, if anything happened. It's the most logical solution.“ His voice was still tense. „But now – I've died before.“ A pause as he felt Vex shift next to him, saying nothing. „I don't look forward to it, again, obviously. But I never imagined it to feel like that. Coming from you. I think that was more painful than the actual fact of dying.“

„I suppose dying itself isn't painful. It's the before and after that can be.“ Vex leant her head on his shoulder now, and he felt her braid brush against his arm. His mind finally seemed to calm, but there was something still pushing at him.

„I shouldn't be surprised that the bloody mess I call my brain has decided to gift me with the worst possible setting for that.“

„It surprises me, though.“ Now it was Vex's turn to sound tense. „Why your subconscious has turned me into such a threat.“ Percy wondered how much of his mind she could read and turn into the words he himself didn't manage to muster.

„Well, you can be quite threatening.“ It was possibly a bit too teasing for such a difficult talk, but it made Vex snicker, and Percy was glad to steer them into a less serious direction now.

„How rude of you, Lord de Rolo.“ She looked up at him. „That's no way to talk to a lady.“

„Forgive me.“ He looked back down at her. „Lady de Rolo.“

The words still sent a warm shiver down his back, and he was certain by the look on her face that Vex felt quite the same.

„It always sounds a bit like 'I love you' when you say that, darling.“

„Then my inflection is just right.“

He left a soft kiss on her forehead before she pushed herself up to face him and properly kiss him.

„And I love you, too. And I'm never going to hurt you, no matter what your subconscious and your nightmares try to convince you of.“

„I will absolutely trust your judgement on that. As always.“

Another kiss, before a mildly annoyed and disgusted sound made them both look up. The fire's light was partially shaded by a blackhooded figure standing in front of them, arms crossed.

„I know it's my turn of the nightwatch now, but I'm definitely _not_ going to do it if you keep doing _that._ “ Vax almost tutted at them before his keen eyes darted onto Animus, still prominently displayed on their bedding. „Something happen?“

„Nothing.“ Percy replied before Vex could say anything. „Just some fidgety dreams.“ He stood up and held his hand out to her. „Let's let your brother get to work and go back to sleep.“

She gladly took his hand into hers and noticed that it had finally warmed up. Her fingertips traced one of the lightning scars on his knuckles as they settled down, before she wrapped her arms around him and nuzzled into his neck. She'd make sure no nightmare would wake him again tonight.

 

 


End file.
